Pain

Two Years of pain

 

The other day, Facebook was plagued with my complaints, call it bigotry, I don’t give a finger. I say, blame it on SLEX for not fulfilling its purpose. It’s supposed to be an expressway and not some pathetic road jammed with unrelenting traffic that’s causing people to suffer every single day. It should be called Super Sufferway. And then I was looking at people excavating the road and filling it with asphalt. What the hell! The road is looking neat and pretty decent. Why are you scooping it out? And it’s December, it’s a busy month, haven’t you heard the bells? Or you’re just catching up with the epic tale of filling in your already brimming pockets as the year ends.

 

From insistent traffic jam to people’s insensitivity, my day was ruined at an instant. These GT Express Vans and all the other shuttle operators are excessively getting a lot of money at the expense of passenger’s safety and comfort. A three-seater van is being used to hold four pairs of butts. And you’ll be screaming bloody murder inside your head as you sit on the same row with some bastard who sits as if someone is going to kneel and eat between his legs. More often than not, those who weigh 500 lbs are the ones who dare to slump on the seat. They sit as if no one else is in the car. If you know you are 500 lbs please pay for two.

 

Not to mention a nonfunctional AC that’s supposed to remove heat but the lazy driver/car owner doesn’t want to spend a centavo on it. He would rather see all the passengers drenched in sweat damnation than take his car to the shop. Or worse a nonfunctional AC that spits up with unsolicited water on your face and knees, it makes you want to slit the driver’s throat.

 

GT Express Vans are tools for people who love pain and sacrifices. It can be a haven for sacrificial offering. You can experience intense pain in your lower back and shoulders due to inappropriate sitting position. Imagine sitting using only your left butt and your right leg is carrying half of your body weight. I’m a masochist in many ways. I love inflicting pain on myself by eating super hot chili peppers. I also take pleasure from squeezing my ear (outer ear’s soft tissue – for the lack of term) severely between my thumb and a finger, if my mouth could reach it, I would chew it like a bubble gum. LOL.

 

But not this pain. No freaking way. 

You Are Responsible For Your Growth

Innovative Ways

Today’s ball game in finding work takes you to greater heights and depths, mainly because as time evolves; as technology advances; and as business progresses, the way people think also develops. Do not contain yourself in one place or one career, expand your horizon and maximize the power of your imagination as one day you will find yourself IRRELEVANT. Nowadays, you can make use of the internet to find a job that suits your goal, whether you want to be a part time worker, a full time worker, a freelancer, a full time worker and a freelancer at the same time or even a full time freelancer. There are numerous Job Networking Sites where you can create a profile and upload your resume so that employers who are seeking for the right candidates on the position that they are opening could easily and conveniently match your profile to the qualifications required. Isn’t it great to know that you are only a phone call away or an E-mail away to finding work? Welcome to the 21st century.

 

Work Anywhere

One of the hot topics in Business nowadays is Thought Leadership. To win at the present day’s competition would it be on finding work or in business itself is that you have got to be progressively more distinguished as a thought leader. You might be wondering what is thought leadership. It’s in conversations in which your mind goes to work and thinking is developed. Conversations are the portals to which ideas are generated and made. Thought leadership is paving way to creative and ingenious ideas that shall create far-fetched results along the way. And by thought leadership, you make the process of your thinking come together in different directions to produce innovative ideas. Never fail to capture your ideas. You can produce results and thereby earn money, anywhere you are. Some jobs are being done remotely or at home. You can be sitting in front of your laptop, on your pajamas, in your living room with a box of chocolate chip cookies, and a glass of milk right in front of you while writing an article on Do IT Yourself – Brazilian Wax or you could be managing social networking sites as part of your job tasks. Do not rely your future on Uncle Sam. There is no job in America. The American dream is nothing but a dream setting itself on the road to oblivion. When nurses were in demand, everybody wanted to be a nurse, even some doctors have taken the leap of shifting. Even parents wish nothing but their children working as nurses in the hospitals abroad. The population of nurses are growing, you will even see them answering calls in a call center or worse chopping potatoes in a restaurant. Nowadays, culinary is the new craze. Everyone wants to be in a culinary school. Do not feed your ignorance. Take time to understand what is happening around you. Pepsi is no longer the direct competitor of coke, at least in the Philippines. It’s C2. Machines can replace human workers. Some goods are no longer made in China but made for China. The bottom line is the world is rapidly changing and again, welcome to the 21st century.

 

Thought Leadership is not a distant star

Gone are the days of compelling yourself to wake up at the crack of dawn, catch the train to get to work. Not to mention enclosing yourself in the four corners of an office. The fact is, today’s world is drastically changing along with the advancements of technology, so even if you are on the other side of the world and you need to earn a living, you need not to scratch your head and sigh at every moment of frustration as there are a lot of jobs for you. But you have to focalize and put your mind in colossal perspectives. You have to write and participate in conversations. Reinvent yourself, stop making excuses and putting the blame on others. Have some confidence, develop your people skills, and work on your character. Remember, when you are searching for a job, it’s like selling yourself to a pack of (picky) predators. Thought leadership is not a distant star nor is it a fish that’s easy to catch. The key is to sell yourself out there, pound the barriers that set the limits of your thoughts. Take your imagination in different horizons. Education is non-negotiable. You are responsible for your growth.

 

KNOW. LEARN. DO.

Decaying

I have been having a persistent mental and emotional uneasiness lately. It goes for a while and then it comes again. It lingers and slowly torments me. I could use a real vacation now, to think more and to forget myself. And by forgetting myself, I mean to develop more interest in life as I discern it with the richness of the world. To cast away all of my worries and rekindle my relationship with God. I’m so grateful to have been given a chance to visit my hometown and see my family. It’s been a while. But then again it wasn’t a vacation nor was it an excursion. I had to nurse my mother brought by a medical operation that she had to undergo. I had to play like a real grown up – from running all the errands at home and in the family to taking care of the hospital bill and whatnot. I tell you, it was tough. I had to put a smile on my face and place a joke in front of my mom and make her feel that everything is going to be alright that she just have to get into the operating room. The doctors will take care of her, excise whatever it is inside her, stitch her up and then we get out. Like everything is as simple as that.  God has been very compassionate, he made it simple. I have never discounted the power of prayer.

Funny how we all rushed to grow up at one point in our lives when growing up is so tough. Sometimes you have nothing tangible nor certain to rely upon but God’s mercy. And you have only your tears to console you. I call this stage in my life a “decay” but not to rot nor to decline from a state of normality or excellence as to deterioration; I’m looking at “decay as being just as wonderful and rich an expression of life as growth.”  Growing up is going forth into the real world. We get a job and work on our career. Some people are blessed to have gotten a career but there are some who have landed the career of nothing no matter how hard they try they just couldn’t permeate to the other side of the wall. You are either busy pleasing your parents if not yourself. You love and then it withers. And then you love again but there are those who –  finding true love is like finding needle in a haystack. Every day you ask yourself, who you are, what is your purpose, what will you become. You go forth in pursuit of happiness. You indulge yourself in creature comforts but you are never contented. Something is always lacking. Every now and then you get to have an empirical angst. Growing up is a stage to a new consciousness.

I will say this again, it was never easy; it is never easy; it will will never be easy. I face the day with a lot of courage. Well, I have to – for the people whom I love if not for myself. And indeed, positive thinking overcomes so many things. I may be troubled with a lot of things, but I am grateful in many ways. The friends who have failed me are always replaced by new ones who appear at the critical moment and from the most unexpected places. Things will be better, I always say this to myself and with God nothing is impossible. This new consciousness that I have is not of longing for some new place; a destination rather – to have a new way at looking at things. And just like Tin maybe I should just get some chicken wings tonight that will make use for temporary comfort.

Depression

I am so depressed, I could use a little magic now…

Risen from the Dead

Normally, my mind would wander here and there and would envisage different things that only I would know. Yesterday however, that 3-minute or so moment has made a significant effect on me and even now, I’m still stuck in wonder. It was rather bizarre for me to think about him at that moment, unforeseen. As I write this, I can’t help myself but sigh in between words and phrases I could conjure.

I have never met him nor seen him even from afar. I have no certain knowledge about his family nor the people connected to him; his whereabouts nor his physiognomic features where I have probably gotten half of what I have, if not mostly. All I know is that, he has got two legs, a head connected to his neck, he is certainly a person, and he has a one lucky (or unlucky) male gamete which made it through my mother’s womb and consequently ,I was conceived.

For 27 years I have managed not to ask myself, what is it like to have him in my life. When I was younger, it was a dream for me that one day in the future, I will see him. But my hopes had vanished in thin air long before I had dreamed of it, like a kite just propelled in the atmosphere and already shattered by a strong gust of wind and never made it through the apparent horizon to soar high.

I have seen my dream died. Cold. Inanimate.

Until yesterday, it had risen from the dead.

Split Ends

I’m continuously thwarted by the boundless rotting ways of how people function effectively.  Oftentimes I feel that it’s time to consummate my existence in this business and let alone foretell its future history, albeit I’d been fighting it and I have never let my emotions take part in the situation nor have I let my subconscious effort to decide for me. I know, somehow that this is the end of it all from the mere data that I have involuntarily gathered but somehow have presented itself to perhaps knock my brains out and get into this conclusion.

At lunch, I was ranting and raving as a means to vent, how lucky am I to have a constant comrade who is very well-known in the business as a young woman desired and adored by many men otherwise she is called Tin. LOL (I’m seriously promoting you Tin). As we wait for our food to arrive, I was staring blankly in the horizon amid the hot sun and I was interrupted by Tin’s out-of-nowhere statement “look at your hair”.  I looked down and there I saw my hair overwhelmed with hideous split ends caused by over exposure to hair chemicals from perming, hair straightening and coloring which reminded me that I have other bigger problems to deal with than blah.

Keeping my Sanity

I am going back to a nocturnal adjustment, an interim stint that I have to deal with. Sometimes it’s good, when for a moment I fell into a state of felicity in an inexplicable way but most of the time, I am screaming bloody murder. Last night, I found something good in it though, I got to see a few people I have worked with, a little over three years ago. Yes, that’s right, the days of green and purple. A mnemonic night indeed.

 

To be honest, the nocturnal adjustment is not so much of an issue. I am whining about a rather beautiful pursuit, but is becoming a fiercely can of worms due to the incapability of a specified character that has utterly no sound bearing at all. Clearly, there is only one central direction and it is leading to a beautiful mess, whoa. Let’s see where it is going. Meanwhile, I am keeping my sanity.

The Sun Shines Brightest After a Storm

What a joy it is! Looking out the door and the sun shining at the apparent horizon. Many of us have been constantly praying for the sun to shine amid the the two devastating typhoons that visited us and displaced thousands of our beloved countrymen, not to mention the lives it took in such a brief period of time. The wind is blowing gently and the sun is bright, it reminds me that we can now take out our laundry and have it dried under the sun’s spell.

Bad things happen, it is elemental in life. For those who were affected, yes it is hard to move on and to start all over again. You had moments of distress, you saw life taking its toll on you, everything you have worked hard for vanished at an instant with all the gushing waters but today is a brand new day – a perfect time to be thankful and to celebrate life, that through it all you are still here. To be in your own world, free. This moment might not last but it doesn’t matter. What is important is to experience everything in life, the struggles and the mournfulness and the giddying triumphs.

And if you work really hard again and believe in yourself and you are willing to experience pain and fear, you might just get lucky again and have a moment like this – the sun shines brightest after a storm. Anything could happen in life, anything could happen to anyone regardless of who you are and sometimes it is good but you just have to believe that it could happen to you.

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Keeping my Mouth Closed

How absurd it is. To think that not so long ago, I was in this same apparent horizon – the same roles are being played, the same plot of events, the same cloud on the horizon I can perceive but only different people are playing the roles. I have done my best to use my judgment based on logic and reason and I have listened and have also blurted out a few words but it is beyond redemption. This time, I am giving my subconscious a chance to speak up and be heard through silence.

I will just have to let time pass as it is the only way to compensate me for now, although I am not holding time responsible for this seethe nor am I dragging time to condemnation but time is my only ally now. It may be bad today but tomorrow will be better, I am looking forward to seeing the silver lining of a cloud. Meanwhile, I will indulge in the many creature comforts otherwise I’d be chasing pavements with the same look in my face, with anxieties and with an image of an epitome of disgruntlement that refuses to leave my head. I am keeping my mouth closed, I have a dog to watch.