Keeping my Sanity

I am going back to a nocturnal adjustment, an interim stint that I have to deal with. Sometimes it’s good, when for a moment I fell into a state of felicity in an inexplicable way but most of the time, I am screaming bloody murder. Last night, I found something good in it though, I got to see a few people I have worked with, a little over three years ago. Yes, that’s right, the days of green and purple. A mnemonic night indeed.

 

To be honest, the nocturnal adjustment is not so much of an issue. I am whining about a rather beautiful pursuit, but is becoming a fiercely can of worms due to the incapability of a specified character that has utterly no sound bearing at all. Clearly, there is only one central direction and it is leading to a beautiful mess, whoa. Let’s see where it is going. Meanwhile, I am keeping my sanity.

Where do We go from Here

I woke up at 6 in the morning today, unwillingly. Dragged myself to the washroom, took a cold shower, brushed my teeth and whatnot. I brushed my hair in the car and was too lazy to put on some make up. I slept the entire time on the way to work. I got out of the car whining and wanting some more sleep. I walked on the parking lot sluggishly and dragging my feet on 3-inch heels. I got on the elevator with my eyes closed. I reached the 8^th floor and was greeted by the guard “Good Morning Maam” and there I was struggling to smile as a form of response. I wasn’t mean nor was I a snob, just lazy and God knows how sleepy I was.

I got on my seat, turned on my computer as I pay respect to my everyday ritual which is to open my email firstly with a surge of hope that our erratic ISP won’t give us any trouble anymore. I opened my browser only to find out that today is not different to the previous days I was ranting and raving over intermittent and slow connectivity, not to mention the emails I have long been expecting which are long past due. I wished for coffee to magically appear in front of me, and save me from being scatterbrained.

I went to Starbucks with Tin, got my favorite grande brewed coffee and what do you know, sometimes I could just get lucky, I won another free coffee for the nth time. We walked back to the office. I stopped by at the bank to get my checkbook, as I was withdrawing money from the ATM machine, I witnessed a brief second of disaster. My Coffee cup slid off the flat surface of the ATM machine, and then I saw my coffee flowing freely on the floor. As soon as I got my checkbook, I decided to go back to Starbucks to get another cup of coffee.

I ordered another cup of brewed coffee and told the coffee master what happened and what do you know, he replaced my coffee for free. This is not advertising but I went out of the door with a big grin on my face. And, as yet, trying to avoid the word “deadline” in my head.

Hushing

I have never felt this burn out in my entire life, yeah I know you would say – heck, what is new – whiner. But no. I am so burned out that sometimes I just let time slip, and most of the time, I have utterly no reaction on the surface but the massive thoughts in my head are all but quiet.

Make your lazy brain work.

OK, I need to keep my mouth shut.

Hushing

Everyday, cut-and-dried

Sometimes, it’s just too depressing finding yourself doing the same set of things over and over again every day. Waking up at six o’clock in the morning resenting time because you haven’t gotten enough sleep and yet you have no choice but to pull yourself together, and find the eagerness to get up and take a shower as you need to be at work at 8:30. You are jaded with the constant battle over indecisiveness on the perfect outfit to wear for the day as you have to attend endless meetings, and to simply exhibit yourself ostentatiously because appearance has great relevance to professional success. And then you leave home hoping that things would go the way you have planned it but as you start your day and walk yourself outside, you are greeted by the scorching sun and the irksomely atrocious traffic in the fervent city .

Once you get to work, you start it off by opening your email and as your day progress, you are also toiling over endless issues at work, a tight deadline, a bellyaching grouchy client who never gets satisfied with anything, a colleague who fails to deliver his reports on time and always summons on dilatory tactics, add it up with the big cheese putting a thousand pounds of pressure on your weary shoulders, and you’ve got nothing but time which seems to elapse like a thunderbolt. And then you find yourself standing underneath a canopy along with all your lung-destroyer-classmates puffing through a stick of cigarette while watching the smoke fades into the air and thinking about how you could get over an emotionally, mentally and physically distressing day.

You get back to your chair, stare at your computer while trying to muster a plan on how to get through the day. You type in a few words and then you erase it, type some again and erase it once more, you’re at wits’ end and you can do nothing but scratch your head. Your fingers can’t move anymore, your mind is blank and no matter how hard you squeeze every ounce of knowledge and logic you have mustered to learn all your life you’re still spacing out. It’s just too depressing, you just want to scream bloody murder and pour your wrath to anyone who would cross your way. You seek consolation from caffeine and sugar with a surge of hope that they will rescue you from all the madness and seemed endless office toil. Evening comes and you leave the office, exhausted. You get home, put yourself to sleep and as you close your eyes while succumbing to hibernation and putting away a long day, you are hoping that tomorrow is a different day.

Shame on You

I’m as mad as a wrongly shot dog, I think I can fill the entire city with molten lava and create a massive tsunami that reaches the other side of the Pacific. This is so unfair, I’ve been working my arse off against the clock lately like a total mind-altered freak because of some lost balls in the high weeds. GOSH! We are having audits here and there for both quality and security standards, and everyone is practically consumptive.

Can you please tell me if I’m just over reacting or maybe I’m just having a high regard for myself, the past months, everyone has been sitting idly or maybe not everyone, maybe its just me, let’s be honest (ALRIGHT) I won’t speak for anyone but myself. Yes, the past few months, I’d been sitting idly, not because I was lazy, but how can you expect me to work if there is no work. Suddenly, now that we are facing these internal audits, everyone is consumed and Emails are practically flying everywhere. Yesterday, I needed to register some documents so in result, I had to Email people and ask for conclusive response. It is imperative that they send their response in a prompt manner because time is of the essence.

The big cheese instructed me to subsequently call them for a follow up otherwise I won’t get a response if I only rely on E-mail. BOOM! I’m like WHAT? As if some bomb exploded right in front of me, I was strucked by terror. I reckoned, aren’t we provided with this E-mail thing for fast and timely correspondence, then why the hell do we have to use the effing phone for follow up, if we have written a concise E-mail stipulating everything that the recipients need to do and and they know deeply that it is of great importance and all they have to do is to be decisive and revert the effing Email to where it came from. Is that too difficult to manage? That’s just undoubtedly stupid.

Are you one of those people who dont respond to Emails and you wait for a stupid follow up phone call before you do something about it? Well, if you are one of them then shame on you. Don’t be an employee, people like you should not work, you should just stay at home and pick your nose the whole day or better yet, make your lousy brain rot for all I care, you will surely be useful there than spend your time in an office and ruin other people’s lives or wait, do you even have a brain? Do you really think we are that stupid? I’ve seen it from my inbox that you have read the Email since I had my read receipt turned on. If you need time to be able to focus more then tell me. You can send me an Email like this “I will need more time to review this but I will definitely get back to you not later than (state your date), but don’t leave me hanging and trying to squeeze blood from a turnip and then when I give you a call, you’ll respond. I’m so browned off, I’m in too much dread thinking that I will have to spend two more weeks in this sense-forsaken place.

Brooding

You will never believe what I’m reading now its DRACULA by Bram Stoker 1897 edition and I find myself immersed to it astoundingly, I guess this is still a part of Twilight’s overdose. I need to slack off for a bit now though as my mind seem to be filled with myriad vampire characters. I happened to read the comment I have posted on NY Times in the article about work reflections and then I brooded and thought of my former boss – in his inexpedience – he has taught me how to lose respect for someone because he made me lose my respect for him. As much as I would want to diffuse everything about him, I prefer not to because I want to be good at least for now hehe so I’ll just keep my mouth shut. PEACE!

Are you in need of a fine wine – I’m here

I had to go home early today, because my oh so sweet Aldolito passed me his flu, I guess I’m not bionic after all. LOL But Its all good because I have time for myself now, how I wish to go home as early as 2 PM every single day. After taking a decolgen forte – I thought of updating my blog. Although my energy is declining precipitously like a drained android (We should have a decolgen no-drowse handy here at home) the thought of updating my blog excites me like a maniac. LOL

Today I saw one of my bestfriends – Su – she just arrived from India for a month and a half vacation. It’s great seeing her today, after all she is the only person whom I like in the office. She brought me a crystal bracelet from India, a white flower ring and earrings made of feathers from Bangkok.

I really hate where I’m working now and today I realized that I made a wrong impulsive decision in my career. I shouldve patiently waited…tsk tsk tsk now I’m like stuck in a barrel of wine, I’m a fine wine however and the same group of sucky people are gradually drinking me because they can afford to buy me. I can’t seem to go somewhere else because they just can’t afford me even though I’m so fine they just don’t want to try. I shouldn’t have chosen to be a wine, I should’ve chosen to be a tequila or a beer instead.

I guess its ok, there is a purpose in every decision that we make, perhaps I just cant see it now. But soon eventually I will. I know I’ll be somewhere else better in due time. I’ll be in an evironment conducive to productivity a working environment full of vigor, fun and dynamism. I’ll keep on looking…….

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Sleep = Wasting Time

I absolutely agree that sleeping is simply just a waste of time. I have tons of things on my mind not to mention things that I would want to do, like simultaneously update my four blog sites, read the bible and sort out my never-organized closet – but heck, time is always running like a lightning bolt. I need to go to a freaking hell hole work place tomorrow, immerse myself in boredom and be sardonically surrounded by fake people whom I disdainfully spend my time with everyday so it really leaves me no choice but to close my beautiful brown eyes and sleep otherwise I’ll be like the rest of the unsophisticated and I-know-it-all people who work there. Yes I’m so sick and tired of working there that I have to drag myself to go there every effing single day and would look forward to getting off – so freaking sick just thinking about it now makes me warp. I guess I’m going to bed now, my precious body needs it. LOL