Pain

Two Years of pain

 

The other day, Facebook was plagued with my complaints, call it bigotry, I don’t give a finger. I say, blame it on SLEX for not fulfilling its purpose. It’s supposed to be an expressway and not some pathetic road jammed with unrelenting traffic that’s causing people to suffer every single day. It should be called Super Sufferway. And then I was looking at people excavating the road and filling it with asphalt. What the hell! The road is looking neat and pretty decent. Why are you scooping it out? And it’s December, it’s a busy month, haven’t you heard the bells? Or you’re just catching up with the epic tale of filling in your already brimming pockets as the year ends.

 

From insistent traffic jam to people’s insensitivity, my day was ruined at an instant. These GT Express Vans and all the other shuttle operators are excessively getting a lot of money at the expense of passenger’s safety and comfort. A three-seater van is being used to hold four pairs of butts. And you’ll be screaming bloody murder inside your head as you sit on the same row with some bastard who sits as if someone is going to kneel and eat between his legs. More often than not, those who weigh 500 lbs are the ones who dare to slump on the seat. They sit as if no one else is in the car. If you know you are 500 lbs please pay for two.

 

Not to mention a nonfunctional AC that’s supposed to remove heat but the lazy driver/car owner doesn’t want to spend a centavo on it. He would rather see all the passengers drenched in sweat damnation than take his car to the shop. Or worse a nonfunctional AC that spits up with unsolicited water on your face and knees, it makes you want to slit the driver’s throat.

 

GT Express Vans are tools for people who love pain and sacrifices. It can be a haven for sacrificial offering. You can experience intense pain in your lower back and shoulders due to inappropriate sitting position. Imagine sitting using only your left butt and your right leg is carrying half of your body weight. I’m a masochist in many ways. I love inflicting pain on myself by eating super hot chili peppers. I also take pleasure from squeezing my ear (outer ear’s soft tissue – for the lack of term) severely between my thumb and a finger, if my mouth could reach it, I would chew it like a bubble gum. LOL.

 

But not this pain. No freaking way. 

Keeping my Sanity

I am going back to a nocturnal adjustment, an interim stint that I have to deal with. Sometimes it’s good, when for a moment I fell into a state of felicity in an inexplicable way but most of the time, I am screaming bloody murder. Last night, I found something good in it though, I got to see a few people I have worked with, a little over three years ago. Yes, that’s right, the days of green and purple. A mnemonic night indeed.

 

To be honest, the nocturnal adjustment is not so much of an issue. I am whining about a rather beautiful pursuit, but is becoming a fiercely can of worms due to the incapability of a specified character that has utterly no sound bearing at all. Clearly, there is only one central direction and it is leading to a beautiful mess, whoa. Let’s see where it is going. Meanwhile, I am keeping my sanity.

A Lost Ball in the High Weeds

I reach the office scatterbrained again. I sit, clear my head and open my PC. For a moment, I think of the various things that I need to accomplish for today. Suddenly, I remember the sad reality and my mind turns into a cantankerous pith briefly caused by my instant cognizance.  I feel like an idiot, asking myself the same set of questions. I take a deep breath and convince myself not to falter. I am keeping my composure otherwise I can always leave and stick out my tongue at you. Wheeeeeee

A lost ball in the high weeds, I pity you.

Where do We go from Here

I woke up at 6 in the morning today, unwillingly. Dragged myself to the washroom, took a cold shower, brushed my teeth and whatnot. I brushed my hair in the car and was too lazy to put on some make up. I slept the entire time on the way to work. I got out of the car whining and wanting some more sleep. I walked on the parking lot sluggishly and dragging my feet on 3-inch heels. I got on the elevator with my eyes closed. I reached the 8^th floor and was greeted by the guard “Good Morning Maam” and there I was struggling to smile as a form of response. I wasn’t mean nor was I a snob, just lazy and God knows how sleepy I was.

I got on my seat, turned on my computer as I pay respect to my everyday ritual which is to open my email firstly with a surge of hope that our erratic ISP won’t give us any trouble anymore. I opened my browser only to find out that today is not different to the previous days I was ranting and raving over intermittent and slow connectivity, not to mention the emails I have long been expecting which are long past due. I wished for coffee to magically appear in front of me, and save me from being scatterbrained.

I went to Starbucks with Tin, got my favorite grande brewed coffee and what do you know, sometimes I could just get lucky, I won another free coffee for the nth time. We walked back to the office. I stopped by at the bank to get my checkbook, as I was withdrawing money from the ATM machine, I witnessed a brief second of disaster. My Coffee cup slid off the flat surface of the ATM machine, and then I saw my coffee flowing freely on the floor. As soon as I got my checkbook, I decided to go back to Starbucks to get another cup of coffee.

I ordered another cup of brewed coffee and told the coffee master what happened and what do you know, he replaced my coffee for free. This is not advertising but I went out of the door with a big grin on my face. And, as yet, trying to avoid the word “deadline” in my head.

Where have all the Bees Gone

If you are an avid reader of my posts you would know how much I’ve longed to watch movies such as Confessions of a Shopaholic and He’s Just not that Into You, and so the long wait is finally over as they are in the theaters now. Much to my excitement, we watched the 2 movies consecutively last Saturday. I remember the last time I watched 2 movies in a row was like 8 years ago when I broke up with my ex boyfriend LOL. I was in the midst of coping with a failed relationship and I had to keep myself busy as part of my diversion brought by an impaired heart ewww LOL.

The two movies were great, it was worth every cent from my pocket. Thats right I paid for it. WEll, it was a deal that I had to put into terms aforetime with Tj just so he would agree to watch 2 chick flick movies consecutively. He enjoyed it himself and I’m glad. We had pretty good laughs.

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I’m having trouble with the pit. Bees are supposed to buzz but there are some bees in the pit that don’t buzz. Bees buzz because they fly and when they fly they create wind vibrations that’s why we hear the buzz. If the bees don’t fly, what do they do? If bees are not flying it means that there are no vibrations to shake the pollen off the flower’s anthers and onto the bee’s body which means no pollination and tantamount to bees being useless. Uhm watch The Bee Movie, you’ll know what I’m saying.

You and your diabolic mind. Cut some slack, go fly. BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ

Fighting the Disruptive Moment

I’m in a battle between incoherence and lethargy, they seem to linger around me for a long time now and don’t have plans on departing anytime soon. I’m fighting with my very best efforts but they overpower me. I can’t get a good grip on anything, I’m stark fretted. I think I need an awesome break this weekend, something that’s mind-blowing and motivational enough to alter my disoriented self. I’ve got a few ideas but I’m somewhat undecided which one is the best or better yet I’ll try them all. I just need to get back on track and leave digression for good. I hope to rejuvenate next week.

I’m done with griping and procrastinating, I want results this time. I remember what Teena wrote on her facebook “Teena is BLANK” – we are on the same boat girl. I will have to make a way to end this disruptive moment. I need my focus back otherwise I might see myself standing on that same horizon some time ago and I certainly wouldn’t want that to happen. I’ll let you know by Monday.

ICEBOX

Please be warned that some of the words/statement in this entry is peculiar to itself grammatically or cannot be understood from the individual meanings of its elements. In short, I am using a style of expression characteristic of the scenario I have today. So don’t take this literally, if your mental acumen is well below par then read something else.

I am fretted

I am misunderstood

I am stark cold

The banality of this seemed perdurable dwelling vexes my soul

I am losing my tenacious grip

My seethe is rising precipitously

And I can’t do anything but to acquiesce

I am getting very cold

Please get me out of here

The icy atmosphere is eating me whole

I’m in pain

I’m in deep purple

I want to be anywhere but in this Icebox

I’m so cold

I’m so cold

I’m so cold

I’m so cold

I don’t wanna be fucking stuck up in this cold cold world

The Ewwwwwww Factor

Coherence doesnt come when I most need it. I’m swamped as hell, so much things to do yet so little time. The pedagogy of digression seems to overpower every minute that I sit and brood in front of my computer. I can’t seem to write anything in this urgent work-related stuff that I’m currently having a responsibility. It’s so depressing, I’ve tried laughing and looked at pictures that I took from our Christmas party to no avail. I’m feeling helpless, I even tried a cup of cappuccino hoping that caffeine would rescue me from being too blank minded at this time, still to no avail. So I thought I’d visit my blog and write a few lines about my incoherence and the ewwww factor I’ve discovered.

 

People can drive me stark, raving mad sometimes. It affects me deep down to the point that I would write about it. Like this instance when someone is watching something gross or a subject of loathing. And while watching a repugnant scene, this person keeps on saying “ewwwwww” but this person’s eyes are still hooked in the supposed-to-be disgusting thing. Doesn’t that drive you mad if people act like that. They abbhor what they see but they keep on watching and scream “ewwwwww”, isn’t that lousy. Aren’t you supposed to stop watching by the time you deem the scene nauseating and quit saying “ewwwww” when your eyes are still hooked on watching it. If you disgust it so much, then why continue watching.

Farcical Behavior

A few months ago, I found myself lurking in the aisles of National Bookstore, hoping to find great books that could nourish and provide wisdom to my striving soul. I’ve always been a free-thinker and lately, I got tired of the cut-and-dried people who incessantly feed imbecility to my precious mind and so I decided to resort on spending my time on the pages of brilliant books hoping that one day I may experience a paradigm shift not in a scientific way as described by Thomas Kuhn but a change from way of thinking to another with divine providence. On a personal note, I think that as human beings, for us to be able to consummate our existence here on earth, we should constantly seek for wisdom, may it be on the mundane conversations that we have with different people, from the books that we read or from the responsibilities that each and every one of us take into account.

 

I was standing close to the front table on the main aisle of the bookstore when I saw the book “Twilight”, I don’t know anything about the book but it was tagged as New York Times Best Seller so I chose to take it and read the synopsis at the back. After reading it, I wasn’t convinced to buy the book. I was hoping for something else and I wasn’t really looking for a book on a love story genre. So I made more searches and bought Scarlett Letters and Catcher in the Rye. For some reason, there was this prodigious force that led me to the table where “Twilight” was displayed, so I went back there and read the synopsis again. I was taken aback because there was something inside me trying to convince myself to get the book. So I told myself, I guess it isn’t so bad since I am fascinated with vampires, perhaps I can give it a shot but then I still thought that I will find something better. So I walked through every aisle in the bookstore scanning each genre and trying to find a catchy title, I even asked for anything from Carl Sagan but nothing was available. And then at some point, my feet dragged me again at the table where “Twilight” was displayed so I thought of reading the synopsis of the three books following the saga. I read them in order, first was “New Moon” then “Eclipse” and the last one was “Breaking Dawn”. And so I finally decided to get “Twilight”.

 

I sat down at Starbucks and started reading Twilight, while waiting for Aldolito. And there I found myself mesmerized and utterly engrossed to the novel. I was thrilled and anxious to read the subsequent pages and so page after page I was so consumed that I had to go back to the bookstore and bought the second book New Moon. Quite unbelievably, I finished reading the book at 4 AM. I bought the last two books after 3 days. I was utterly bonkers over Twilight. The writer, Stephenie Meyer created such exceptional and remarkable characters which constructed a virtual world where these characters were ostensibly real. And I just recently watched the movie.

 

Absurdity annoys me because during the time when I was reading the four books, most of the people whom I know asked me how are they. I told them how crazy I am over the books and that they should just read them for them to find out what I’m talking about. It’s just stupid that some people like to pretend in a form of cynicism, showing discrimination on books about Love. I remember someone said “hmmp ayaw ko niyan Love Story eh” (I don’t want that because it’s a love story) but lately, most of them are dying to borrow the books from me since the movie hit the box office and everyone is practically talking about it. You shouldn’t be ashamed of yourself if people see you reading a book about love. Instead, you should be ashamed of yourself for being pretentious. You pretend to not like the book just because someone you know read it first but now that everyone is talking about it and it hits the big screen, suddenly you are dying to read it just like the rest of the world. It isn’t cool, you annoy me downright.

Bacolod Here we Come.

Wow, how I terribly missed blogging. It’s been a while since I’ve blogged about anything that’s been going on around me. I miss telling you all the mundane stuff that I’ve had in my scintillant life. I had a tough week, gosh I was so close to spitting profanity to everyone who is responsible for giving me a real whacked out time at work. It’s my last week at work and it seems that people have prodigiously managed to get on my nerves big time. At some point, I had almost convinced myself to “F***k IT, I’m gonna say what’s on my mind” and surely, people will not like it if I have said exactly what I was thinking. It’s a good thing that I have managed to remain rational all the way, and I have contained my anger and vexation quite unbelievably. After all, what is one week of misery, I’m sure I can laugh subsequently. I’ll start over this week, forget everything, move on and I’ll try my very best to bury the hatchet and keep my mouth shut, FOR ONE WEEK.

After a few agonizing moments of brooding, I have concluded… Aldolito and I are going to the city of SUGARLANDIA this December. YAY! Yes it’s confirmed, in fact I have our tickets with me now, they’re warm and bright and they just got out of the printer. Woohoo.